Ask for help

How to find a resource! Hint: Be afraid...

Merriam Webster defines resource in numerous, but related, ways:

  • a possibility of relief or recovery
  • a source of supply or support
  • a source of information and expertise
  • a natural source of wealth or revenue
  • an ability to meet and handle a situation
  • {and most importantly...}
  • a natural feature or phenomenon that enhances the quality of human life

Let's get the obvious one out of the way. When we say "someone has the resources for x...," it is often clear that we are referring to money in some way. A resource in that sense is almost like a relaxed recognition that money is there and can be accessed as necessary.

Okay, great. Let us move on. Resource comes from Old French meaning "a source or spring", refers to "a means of supplying a want or deficiency", and "to rally and raise again." It also comes from Latin's root word for resurgent, relating to the idea of rising from some lower point.

I think that is pretty cool. We seek resources when we acknowledge a need of our own or a gap in our knowledge, however big or small.

The first time I ever made my own appointment at the dentist's office when I was younger, I was petrified. The fact that my parents had made appointments for me before that point made me think that there was this grand, special way to do it that only they were allowed to know and that there was definitely absolutely a right or wrong way to do it. In other words, a high probability I would fudge it all up and be eternally ashamed. I was lucky to recognize my mom as the resident expert at the time on this knowledge that I needed so, what did I do, everyone? Say it with me: I. Asked. Her. For. Help...! Very good. 

She was all like "Yeah, just tell them that you need a cleaning and see what days they offer might work." 

Am I on candid camera? Was that it?

You know the emoji of the narrow, focused eyes and the one pensively scratching its chin? Combine those two and that is the face I remember giving to how simple her answer was. This is how a resource presents the possibility of relief and recovery. Not only was all of my pre-pubescent anxiety immediately extinguished but I also acquired a new skill of confidently picking up the phone and advocating for something I needed from the big scary dentist's office.

Resource seeking can be as simple as my younger, cuter self calling the dentist or as complex as someone with an epic idea wanting to start a business (I know there are bigger examples but no, I am not going to mention the kind of resources our marvelous president should definitely seek right about now...).

I have met so many people in the startup world and, having created two startups myself, there is an endless need for resources in the form of information and expertise.  Even though I listed what the dictionary calls a resource, actual resources are completely subjective. My clients see me as a resource for personal branding and building narratives, but the way in which they need that is unique to them and their journeys. 

A common misconception is that seeking a resource is a one-way effort. But instead it is an exchange. A matter of teamwork.

You are the one that has to break the ice, though.

No one will know you need their supply and support unless you put yourself out there in an honest and authentic way. I was shaking in my socks when I asked my mom about the stupid dentist but my vulnerability could not have been more authentic because, well, I was terrified to make the stupid phone call. 

I prepare for every single meeting, phone call, email, text message, what have you, when I am seeking aid from a resource so that I am able to not only honestly ask the question I want to ask but also contribute back to the discussion and subsequently put the work into applying whatever was taught to me. It becomes a mutualistic interaction around an agreed topic.

I learn from my clients every time I speak with them and it is my job to provide resources to them in any form they need. Narrative evolves (stay tuned for more on that) and so do everyone's needs for knowledge, including my own. If we continue to practice our authentic expression of vulnerability when we realize we don't know something, everyone will benefit and their eventual resourcefulness will be filled with new skills and knowledge that they can then share back to the world themselves. 

Remember, the origins of the word resource reiterate the theme of rising up from a place of deficiency. A resource can empowering, uplifting, helpful, and exciting if you are open to seeking it.

I am humbled that the mission of my companies and the mission of so many companies with which I am acquainted echo the last listed definition of the word: the enhancement of human life. 

Whether you want to call the dentist or start a company or anything between and beyond, I guarantee there is someone who can relieve your angst and I hope you will take the step to reach out. We will all be made better for it. 

I saw the sign! How to ask for help about asking for help

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Two weeks before I "officially" "publicly" launched my company in Colorado in June of 2015 (even though I had started working with clients that February before I had a website or a name or anything - just details), I took this picture at the parking garage of a friend's apartment building and it's probably the most important picture I have ever taken.

You are thinking what I thought:

A) Kinda creepy.

B) Where was its author?

C) What did they need help with?

To this day, I hope that the person received the magnanimous assistance they required and the sign was placed by the dumpster because the person no longer needed to call out for help and wanted to make sure their artwork was recycled. The sign stuck with me not because of the concern for its origin but instead because its message is the driving force behind everything I've ever done in my career. 

Nothing I write in this or any future post will fully convey the significance that the theme of "asking for help" maintains in my soul. I ask for help all the time. I get a weird satisfaction out of asking question after question. If one person gets sick of answering them, I will move on to someone else. I don't care.

Of course I went through the perfectly human phase of discomfort asking for help: the pre-pubescent arrogance that I had everything under control and I knew everything...right up until I didn't know anything.

In every math class ever in my academic history, it took me all of five minutes to realize I had no idea what was going on. It took me longer than that, though, to feel unabashed about raising my hand and, when the teacher asked "Which part is confusing you?", saying "Umm...something about something...you said about that stuff" while beckoning to the chalkboard. See? I didn't know what the heck I needed help with, I just knew I needed a whole lot of help.

The one exception was one summer during college when I had two brilliant ideas:

1) go to med school

2) take Calculus 1 and Physics 1 summer courses as prerequisites for pre-med.

Starting a mere week after my sophomore year ended, the first session of Calculus 1 was pitched as the review day of Pre-Calculus material that we presumably "had learned in high school or college already".  NOPE. Not this guy. And that's not a slant at my high school Pre-Calc teacher; she was fantastic. It was all about that summer professor (it's fine, he doesn't remember me). My brain has been through just as much as the next hypersensitive emotional intellectual millennial, but what hewas throwing up on the whiteboard that morning looked more like intricate wallpaper with which I'd ignorantly plaster a future office wall than information that I would have already known for my brave pursuit of a career I didn't want.

I didn't raise my hand once that day. Other people did, to answer questions, not ask them, which only confirmed my suspicions. I withdrew the next morning and returned the textbook, swapping it for one on Neurobiology (#nerdstatus1000).

I digress. That's a lot about me. But bravery in the pursuit is important to bring up. I've worked with thousands of people so far in my career, children and adults, and I only got the opportunity to work with them because they accepted that they needed help and were somehow in some way comfortable asking for it. In the mental health treatment programs, residents were at the most extreme crisis moment of their young lives and chose to ask for help. It's still mind-boggling. They chose to be vulnerable, seek out the aid of strangers in a strange place, and battle the suffering to which they could have instead so easily succumbed on their own. It's similar with current clients. Whether charged with giving a speech or inspired to build a brand, everyone gets to a point where they gulp and ask "Crap, what do I do next...?"

I guarantee you have needed help before and I guarantee you've asked for it at least once in your life. You're not perfect. You may be arrogant but you're not perfect. And I'm here to remind you it's okay - just like the person who spray painted that sign at some point in the past. It's okay to not know everything and do something about it.  Even if you don't know what help you need, ask for help on that. Asking for help in order to learn what help you need to ask for is still asking for help. Following?

Sparknotes: ask. Just say "Help". We all need help. We all need our own form of support. Even if you don't need the kind of help that I offer through this company, you can still ask me for help. In fact, do it. I dare you. If I can't help you, I'll tell you. I still don't know everything, but I'm working on that...